Stephen Covey, in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, describes the Character Ethic as the foundation of success — things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. He says that Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character. He contrasts this approach to life with the Personality Ethic, which Covey describes as a combination between a public relations technique and emphasizing a positive mental attitude. Covey mentions that shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from character ethic to emphasis on the personality.
Convey conducted dual studies before writing his book. One study investigated the nature of perception and how it is formed. His study was conducted for a professional development program for IBM executives. The other examined 200 years of success literature. Covey notes that some parts of the personality approach were inspiring and ‘sometimes’ valid maxims such as ‘Your attitude determines your altitude,’ ‘Smiling wins more friends than frowning,’ and ‘Whatever the mind of a man can conceive and believe it can achieve.’ Other parts, Covey notes, were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the ‘power look,’ or to intimidate their way through life.
Character began to be mildly recognized as an ingredient for success. It was often compartmentalized rather than recognized as foundational and catalytic. The basic thrust, Covey notes, began to be quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes. The example that Covey uses to demonstrate the different approaches and outcomes involve his son.
While conducting the study, Covey and his wife were having a had time helping improve their son’s performance in life. Covey notes that his son was lost at school, struggling with tests, being an embarrassment to his friends, struggling athletically, and, as a result, was becoming a laughingstock. He and his wife, first, tried to ‘psych’ him-up using positive mental attitude techniques, and when other people laughed, they’d come to his rescue. But their efforts were having the opposite effect. After a few failures and a noticeable blow to their son’s self-esteem they started to look at the situation differently. Covey and his wife, Sandra, started talking about Covey’s research. One concept that stood out was the expectancy theory and self-fulfilling prophecies of the “Pygmallion effect.’ From there they began to realize that what they were doing to help their son was not in harmony with the way they really saw him. When they honestly examined their deepest feelings, they realized that their perception was that he was basically inadequate, somehow ‘behind,’ They realized that no matter how much they worked on their attitude and behavior, their son’s performance didn’t change. They realized that if they wanted to change him, they had to change, themselves. To change themselves effectively, Covey notes, they first had to change their perception. Later, Sandra and Stephen began to realize the positive mental attitude approach, or the Personality Ethic, was a subconscious attempt to get social mileage out of their son’s good behavior. They noticed that the image of themselves as good parents was deeper than the image of their son and perhaps influenced the way they interacted with him. Covey notes that there was a lot more ‘wrapped-up’ in the way they perceived and handled the problem than was in their concern for the welfare of their son. As they talked, they became aware of the powerful influence of their own character and motives and perception of him. They knew that social comparisons were out of harmony with their deeper values and could lead to conditional love, and eventually to their son’s lessened sese of self-worth.
Their solution was to focus their efforts on themselves instead of techniques. They began to focus on their deeper motives and perception of him. Instead of trying to change him they worked on recognizing his identity, individuality, separateness and self-worth. It resulted in a complete turnaround for their son. As they worked on themselves and easing the influence their old perception had on their son, it gave room for their son to grow into his potential. He became academically, socially and athletically outstanding.
Tune Into End of Day Radio of Assembled Cities Podcast
Many can relate to the Covey’s story, either as parents or children. Feeling pressured to perform by conforming with attitudes and belief systems at odds with your own. Our emphasis on superficial belief systems often creates quick fixes to problems that require systemic change. We often focus on the appearance of things. Comparing achievements of others, we work more to learn about life hacks and techniques than we do to understand and gain mastery of our life assignments. In a world where microwave and easy bake solutions are applauded, it’s easy to understate the value of careful and meaningful approached to the problems of our world today. So much so, that you could even say that our approach has become the problem. That our focus and emphasis on temporary and fleeting pleasures have replaced the need for permanent and long-term anchor for our happiness. That we, time and time again, find ourselves in crises because we value things that have no meaningful measure in life when compared to those things that bring value to our lives. We have become accustomed to the overnight success culture of social media. To the glamor and make-up that conceals the character required to live-out truly happy lives. We lean on the post and pillars of social approval only to disregard our own inner wisdom. From these lofty towers we sit in crowded rooms often empty and alone. We’re taught to smile through the discontentment of living seemingly fulfilling lives, knowing that the appearance is far from the reality. Connected in every way except those ways that matter most. Hoping that the benefits outweigh the costs. But it never does. We pass-on empty homes, broken lives, unfilled relationships, hallow lives all as inheritances for our children. We spend our waking hours making casual acquaintances, away from those we love. And this has become our measure of success. Discouraged by the experience of being ourselves, we hide. We disconnect. Abandoning who we truly are. We fill our lives replaying painful memories. Memories that reinforce the idea that we’re better-off acting as if we were somebody else. Hidden away, beyond the superficial we ease our way away from dealing with the uncomfortable activity of honest self-reflection. Bombarded with the judgements that eased us away to begin with, we continue to live lives that dehumanize our human experience.
The Power of Belief
